Where Memories Lie
by Nanashi911
Summary: Syaoran loses his memory in an accident. Is his love up for grabs?
1. Chapter 1- Accidents, Cousins and Guests

I took some time thinking up a name for this fic and was satisfied with the result. It could be seen as where Syaoran's memories reside, or where his memories become lies from the truth. I don't know you decide. Also don't get me wrong, I like Meiling but her character suited my needs. Sakura is a bit ooc for her clingyness. Of course as always this is littered with some angst and lots of fluff. It's starts out as Sakura/Syaoran but you know how it ends. I can't decide if this is Eriol/Syaoran or Syaoran/Eriol, but anyway enjoy.   
  
*Disclaimer* you know and I know CCS is not mine..   
  
  
  
Where Memories Lie..   
Chapter 1   
Accidents, Cousins & Guests   
  
  
  
--Syaoran's POV--   
  
"Syaoran, come on hurry up! There is something I want to show you!"   
  
I scrambled exhaustedly over each rock, my hands shooting up to grip the crevices available to them; all in an effort to keep up with Sakura, who was already way ahead of me. This used to be alot easier when I was younger.   
  
"Not very fair Sakura, you are using your cards to help you get up there!" I shouted at the giggling girl floating above me.   
  
I smiled. I couldn't help it; she always had some way of getting me into one big mess of a situation. She reached her hand out to me over the edge of the ledge she was sitting on and pulled me up. I sat beside her taking in a deep breath, relieved that I could finally rest.   
  
"Thanks alot Sakura.." I huffed.   
  
She wound her arms around me, "Look.." she motioned towards the view below us.   
  
The sun was setting over the horizon and the faint sparkle of stars dotted the sky. The mountains almost seemed to glow under the ruby atmosphere as the wind blew through the leaves of the trees all around us. It was really a beautiful spot to be in.   
  
"It's great Sakura, I'm glad you showed me this."   
  
She looked me up and down coyly and teasingly. "I'm surprised you even made it up here!" She laughed,"You're out of shape Syaoran!"   
  
Her laughter rattled my pride.   
  
"Well it's not like our card capturing days you know..I'd like to see you climb all the way up here without your cards!",   
  
"That's no excuse" she giggled.   
  
I guess she was right, but there was no way I was going to let her make a fool of me! I stood up defiantly and walked to the edge of cliff.   
  
"Ne..Syaoran, you really shouldn't be so close to the edge like that; come on stop joking around." she said suddenly nervous.   
  
"What's wrong Sakura? You said I'm out of shape..so I want to prove I'm not..watch!" I started darting from one rock to the other, each one jutting out from the edge of the cliff.   
  
I even went as far as to flip around a few times, and on the last landing I even posed.   
  
Sakura was not pleased, "Quit playing around Syaoran, those rocks don't look too steady."   
  
I laughed triumphantly for a moment before starting towards her again, finally deciding that I had proven my point. However I never made it to her side. I heard a slight cracking and shuffling of small rocks below me, followed by her screaming out my name. It was the last thing I remember before the rock gave out under my feet and everything went black.   
  
~*~   
  
My eyes adjusted to the fan's rythmic circling on the ceiling. Slowly I caught glimpses of the room around me. Everything was white. On the wall, charts of the human anatomy were posted and on my right a large window with curtains. I sat up searching for the source of pain in the back of my head, then I heard a female voice outside the door to my room. "He's right this way miss."   
  
A moment later, a nurse walked in followed by a short-haired brunette.   
  
"Syaoran! you're awake! I'm so happy!" she said flinging herself on me.   
  
"I'll tell the doctor he is finally awake." said the nurse before closing the door behind her.   
  
"I was so worried about you! You have been out for 2 days now! But you are ok, I'm so glad. We can go home now!" she said with tears welling up in her green eyes.   
  
I pulled her away from me softly. "That's nice to know, but..who are you? and who am I?"   
  
--Sakura's POV--   
  
I stepped back in utter shock when I heard him say those words. At first I had wanted to think this was all a game he was playing to get back at me or something.   
  
"Syaoran Li!..stop kidding around it's me!" I said nearly angry at him, which was not common for me.   
  
"I wish I was playing around, but I really have no idea who you are. But..you seem to know me. So..my name is Syaoran then?"   
  
I nearly slumped to the floor when I saw the blank look in his eyes. They were not filled with the usual loving warmth I was accustomed to.   
  
"You..really aren't joking..are you.."   
  
He nodded.   
  
I tried to be strong, really I did, but I couldn't help crying. All his memories of our time together had been wiped away in two days and there was nothing I could do about it. I wiped away at my face and turned my gaze. I could see him blink a few times from the corner of my eye. Then he spoke.   
  
"I..I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry."   
  
I turned suddenly towards him and scooped up his hands, clinging to them desperately. "It's not you..it's us. Don't you remember me? Sakura Kinomoto? Your Sakura?"   
  
He shook his head.   
  
"Please try!" I pleaded.   
  
He looked deeply into my eyes for a moment. I could tell he was trying his best, but it only lead to a deep sigh as he let my hands lose their grip.   
  
"I'm sorry I don't.."   
  
My heart shattered to peices and I buried my head in my hands, the hot streams pouring from my eyes.   
  
Just then the doctor came in and the nurse comforted me while he asked me questions.   
  
"We will have to keep him here tonight to make sure there is nothing else wrong with him. He should be ready to go home tommorrow morning. It is best that you let the rest of his family know of his current condition." he said.   
  
I nodded as I bid him goodnight and exited from the hospital on my way home. I really didn't know what to do. What would his family think if I told them that the reason for his memory loss was because of me? I wasn't sure of how forgiving they would be after I caused him so much harm. I wasn't even sure if I could forgive myself. I thought to myself in this manner untill I got home. Touya greeted me as I came through the door as usual, but he noticed I was in no mood for his antics. He nearly hid himself when he told me there was a phone call for me. Naturally, talking on the phone was not on my current agenda, but he told me it was long distance.   
  
"It can't be.." I whispered to myself. I picked up the phone nervously waiting for the inevitable.   
  
"Kinomoto! What have you done to Syaoran?"   
  
I nearly fell over as Meiling's rowdy voice seeped through the ear peice. "H-hi to you too Meiling-chan.." I stuttered.   
  
"Don't change the subject now missy! I know something has happened to Syaoran!" she accused.   
  
"R-really? what makes you think that?"   
  
"First off, you stutter when you lie, second off Syaoran's mother told me she felt something off a few days back and that I should call to make sure he is ok. Knowing that I left him in such clumsy hands, I can only agree with Yelan's hunch! So fess up cause either way I'm coming over tommorrow to see him!"   
  
I nearly fell over. There was no way I could lie to her now or at least keep his conditon secret for long.   
  
"Ok Meiling, but you have to promise to keep this between us for now. The rest of his family doesn't need to know, cause if he gets better soon I don't want to worry them for nothing. Anyway it's not so bad really.." I stammered trying to assure myself of my own words.   
  
"Whatever Sakura, just tell me!" she spat.   
  
"Ok..Syaoran lost his memory."   
  
"WHAT!? and you call that 'not so bad'??!"   
  
"It could have been much worse Meiling..don't worry I will try to find a way to fix this."   
  
"Fix this? Are you crazy!? This means he doesn't even remember his dear cousin anymore!?!? This is unforgivable! I was wrong to believe the mistress of the Sakura cards would take care of him!"   
  
"Meiling please calm down.."   
  
"No! I am settling all of this tomorrow!" and with that she hung up.   
  
I threw myself on my bed. Was there anyone who could understand what I was feeling right now? My head was so cluttered with anxious thoughts about tommorrow that I nearly fell asleep drowned by them. I hardly noticed how much time had passed before my cell phone rang.   
  
"Moshi moshi.." I said.   
  
"Sakura-chan..Meiling tells me that Li-kun lost his memory?"   
  
I sweat dropped, it was Tomoyo.   
  
"That Meiling can't keep her mouth shut sometimes.." I mumbled.   
  
"Sakura-chan I'm hurt, you weren't going to tell me?" she sniffled.   
  
"Of course I was, tomorrow. I just wanted you to hear it from me, not from her."   
  
"She was quite upset. She also mentioned she would be coming here early. I hope she cools down a bit during her trip."   
  
"Me too Tomoyo.."   
  
"And how are you? Are you ok? This must be so hard for you."   
  
Tomoyo always understood me best, and I knew I could count on her comfort.   
  
"I don't know, but I'm glad I have you around Tomoyo, you're the best."   
  
"Is it ok if I come over tomorrow? I'll bring bandages in case Meiling gets rough." She giggled. Ok, so maybe she wasn't too comforting.   
  
"Very funny Tomoyo.."   
  
"I'm sorry, I was just trying to lighten the mood. But really I'm coming over ok?"   
  
"Of course, I'll see you then. Good-night."   
  
"Good-night Sakura-chan!"   
  
I hung up the phone and threw the covers over my head. I eventually fell asleep, though dreading the next sunrise.   
  
--Syaoran's POV--   
  
I rubbed my arm where the doctor had taken my blood as he told me that I was all set to go. I signed out of the hospital at the front desk to the best of my limited knowledge.   
  
"Syaoran.."   
  
I turned to see that girl from yesterday standing behind me. Her face was downcast and her voice was soft and gentle. Somewhere inside me it felt oddly familiar.   
  
"I figured you couldn't remember where you lived so I'm here to walk you home, I hope that's ok." she asked politely.   
  
"I suppose it is, since you seem to be the only person that knows me right now." I shrugged.   
  
"Great, follow me then." and she led me out the building.   
  
We walked for a while in silence, while I studied my surroundings, until she finally spoke up.   
  
"So I have been thinking alot about this. I have hope you will remember everything soon. Maybe, if I show you things from our time together, like pictures and such, it might help. Or..even if you never get your memory back, this could be a good time to start fresh new memories, don't you agree?" she smiled as her face lit up at the prospect.   
  
I wish I could have been as cheerful, but I wasn't so sure. "I don't know. I need to get to know myself before I can think about a relationship."   
  
I don't know if I had said it in some cruel way, but her face changed slightly.   
  
Then she smiled again, "You're right. Either way we are here."   
  
I looked up at the house before me. It was a pretty big house, telling me that I was in good hands financially, or perhaps it was my family, if I had any.   
  
We entered the place and I noticed there was noone there to greet me.   
  
"Do I have a family Sakura?"   
  
She turned to me mildly surprised. "I almost forgot that you wouldn't remember that. Yes you do, but they are in China." she said while she put away my bags and made her way into the kitchen.   
  
"I see..so I live alone then."   
  
"Yes."   
  
A colorful, board-type, object hanging on the wall caught my attention.   
  
"This is interesting..what is it supposed to be?"   
  
I picked it up off the wall and it began to glow in my hands. I yelped and dropped it jumping back onto a couch. Sakura came into the room with some glasses. She picked up the board and held it tenderly in her hands.   
  
"This is your Rashin board. You used to find Clow Cards with this when we were younger.."   
  
"Clow cards? What are those? Some kind of game?"   
  
She continued her sad gaze as she brought out a deck of cards from her purse. A few of them floated into the air around her.   
  
"They are Sakura cards now. I made these."   
  
I could barely believe what I was seeing. "Magic? You are some kind of magician?"   
  
"We both are.."   
  
This was weird. A lot of information in such a short amount of time. I sat down trying to put all these peices of the puzzle together in my mind. Nothing made sense. She turned to bring in some juice and served them into the glasses. I got up and walked around my living room. I was drawn to some pictures on a stand, picking one up curiously. It was a picture of myself and Sakura.   
  
She was holding icecream and I had an arm around her. "I guess we really were a couple then.."   
  
"What's that? Oh yeah the pictures. That was the picture Yukito took of us at the amusement park last summer."   
  
"Yukito? Who is that?"   
  
She walked over to the stand examining the pictures, humming to herself, and eventually flipped one out.   
  
"Here he is." she said pointing to a tall boy with glasses, "And that is his boyfriend, my brother Touya, next to him."   
  
A blush creeped onto my cheeks. "I sense that I know Yukito very well."   
  
"You should..we both had a crush on him."   
  
I nearly dropped the picture, but quickly regained control and put it back in it's place. "I see.."   
  
Sakura giggled, and it sounded so familiar.   
  
Another boy with glasses caught my eye. "Who is that?"   
  
"Oh, that's Eriol, and the girl next to me is Tomoyo, my best friend."   
  
I stared at the picture curiously. "Why am I glaring at him?"   
  
Sakura smiled. "You never liked him too much. To this day I don't know why exactly, but Tomoyo used to tell me it was something between guys."   
  
"Something between us?"   
  
"I suppose so. Eriol is a really nice guy. He lives in England right now, but a long time ago he lived in China. He is the reincarnation of Clow Read, your ancestor. It's where you get your magical abilities from."   
  
"Eriol.." a chill ran through my veins and I put the picture back down. One more picture left, this time it was Sakura and I, only a dark haired girl was hanging off of me. "I look annoyed but, she's pretty.."   
  
"I better be!"   
  
--Sakura's POV--   
  
We both whirled around to see Meiling standing in the doorway with a suitcase in hand. Tomoyo appeared behind her.   
  
"Thanks for the ride Tomoyo." she said before stomping into the house.   
  
"It's no problem Meiling, anything for a friend." said Tomoyo, quickly taking a place beside me.   
  
Meiling walked up to a surprised Syaoran.   
  
"Meiling?" he said.   
  
Her eyes grew huge and watery as she cupped his hands in hers. "So you do remember me!"   
  
"No..I was just placing your name."   
  
She turned to me, her eyes burning with fire, and pointed at me menacingly. "Kinomoto! You did this to my Syaoran! Now make him better right now!"   
  
I sweat-dropped backing away nervously. "Mei-Meiling-chan.."   
  
"Your Syaoran?" he asked.   
  
She turned back to him with her soft, hopeful expression again. "Yes! I am your sweet and favorite cousin Meiling,-" She flung her arms around him and nuzzled his perplexed face. "-and..I have come to take you back home. From now on I will take care of you. I wont let anything bad happen to you."   
  
My heart skipped a beat at her words. "Wait a minute!? What are you saying Meiling!? You can't take him back, his place is here..with me."   
  
She glared at me again. "You are in no position to talk right now. The deal's off Kinomoto! I'm taking him back as my fiance!"   
  
I nearly fainted.   
  
--Syaoran's POV--   
  
I slid Meiling off of me.   
  
"Wait a minute I'm confused..now all of a sudden I have a fiance? I thought I was with her?" I pointed at the whited-out Sakura who had frozen in place.   
  
"He's right, he has enough sense to know I'm his girlfriend." she said being held by her friend Tomoyo.   
  
"Really?" Meiling walked up to Sakura placing her hand in her face. "Then why am I the one with the ring!?" she smirked.   
  
The two other girls gasped.   
  
"Meiling! how could you!? That was from a long time ago!" Sakura turned to me desperately, "It's true Syaoran you both were engaged in the past, but it was broken when you found out you loved me. Meiling had always been ok with this arrangement..untill now."   
  
She looked really hurt, and her friend quickly stood up to defend her.   
  
"She's telling the truth Li-kun!" said Tomoyo.   
  
"I don't know Meiling..they both say I was with her.." I gulped.   
  
Meiling scoffed, "And you are going to believe Tomoyo's word? She is her best friend, of course she would say that. Anything to keep us apart."   
  
I couldn't help but sigh, this was so confusing. "I suppose that could be.."   
  
Sakura began to cry again and I had the feeling there was something really wrong with this picture.   
  
Tomoyo stood up. "There is only one way to settle this!"   
  
The two other girls looked at her anxiously. "Let's get Eriol to tell the truth!"   
  
The girls gasped.   
  
"But Tomoyo..Eriol is in England." said Sakura.   
  
Tomoyo smiled confidently, "But he'll be here tommorrow, just in time for Syaoran's upcoming birthday!"   
  
"That's right! He will! He can clear up everything." exclaimed Sakura happily.   
  
"You mean the guy I'm not supposed to like?" I asked.   
  
Tomoyo giggled, "That's the one! He probably knows more about you than anyone."   
  
It was really odd, these girls seemed to think he was a nice guy, and now all of a sudden he knows me so well. I wonder why I could have ever hated such a normal sounding person. If anything I should have been close to him, kind of like the way I felt close to that Yukito person when Sakura said his name. Suddenly Tomoyo's cell phone rang.   
  
"Hello?..yes..right away." She hung up and turned to us. "That's my ride outside. I have to get going."   
  
"Yes, good I say you both call it a night," Meiling wrapped her arms around me again, "I have to get re-aquainted with Syaoran" she smirked.   
  
Sakura whimpered, "But..but.."   
  
Tomoyo took her hand. "Don't worry Sakura-chan all of this will be resolved tommorrow. I know! We can even go to the airport to pick Eriol up! What do you say?"   
  
"Sounds like a plan" She sighed sounding barely relieved.   
  
"I want to go too!"   
  
The girls turned to me in surprise.   
  
"Now there's something you don't see everyday." teased Tomoyo.   
  
"Then let's all go together..." growled Meiling.   
  
"Agreed." and with that last thought they were all shoved out the door.   
  
Meiling turned to me. "So how about a nice cup of tea, we have alot of catching up to do!" It was going to be a long night.   
  
--Eriol's POV--   
  
"I'm sorry. I don't know if it's wrong of me to think this way, but I can't help but feel we have been given a second chance Eriol-san.." said Tomoyo's longing voice over the phone.   
  
I closed my eyes at her words.   
  
"Do you think I'm being selfish?" she asked sadly.   
  
Honestly I couldn't answer her. She had known for a long time the feelings I hid for my dear little wolf, and in turn she had confessed to me her undying love for Sakura, through her many letters. We relied on each other emotionally from time to time when we had no other to tell our secrets to. We carried the burden, of having given up someone special to us, together, many times. It was safe to say we confided in each other and now she was bringing me news of something I had already felt a few days ago. She waited patiently for my answer to her moral questions.   
  
"I don't know Tomoyo-san." I replied as she naturally sighed on the other end.   
  
"Do you know what is to happen Eriol-san?" she begged.   
  
"I..don't want to intrude on fate. Tomoyo-san, we have to be strong, we can't influence anything on the lives of those two. We have to let them choose. You must wait to see if Sakura will give him up and find comfort in your arms and I must hope that Syaoran looks beyond the life he thinks he knows. Do you think you can do it Tomoyo-san? If only for a bit longer?" I asked as firmly as possible fearing that my tone would betray me.   
  
"Yes..I can wait, even if it takes forever, I can wait." she sighed.   
  
I smiled, "That's the Tomoyo I know."   
  
I could almost see her smile back through the receiver.   
  
"Please excuse me for keeping you up Eriol-san, I know you have a flight tommorrow morning. Is it okay if our group comes to greet you at the airport?" she asked.   
  
"Absolutely, I am anxious to see all of you." I chirped.   
  
"Very well, goodnight then Eriol-san, have a pleasant flight."   
  
"Goodnight Tomoyo-san, thank you." I said before hanging up.   
  
I pulled the covers over my head and dug my face in my pillow, trying to hide from my memories of the past and my newfound hope. My excited, futile hope that mixed with the slight fear of seeing my descendant again.   
  
I had barely noticed how fast time flew before I found myself walking off the airplane in Japan. I had finally arrived at the airport.   
  
And there he was. 16, taller and yet never losing his boyish looks and his wild familiar hairstyle. He hadn't changed a bit. Surrounding him by the entryway were Sakura, Tomoyo and Meiling. Sakura wore an anxious expression on her face, Tomoyo looked slightly downcast, Meiling threw daggers for looks and Syaoran..Syaoran I could tell was not himself. My heart skipped a beat seeing him smile so warmly, it completely caught me off gaurd and perhaps the others had noticed me staring. Oh the things I get myself into.   
  
--Syaoran's POV--   
  
I couldn't believe it. The boy coming out of that gate was impressively handsome. He had a visual charm about him and a graceful way of carrying himself that I could immediately see radiating off of him. I couldn't believe I had hated someone like him, it was like I had been told a great lie. I was even more surprised when he stared back at me, and it forced a smile out of my confused lips. He approached us and immediately greeted us all individually. He received hugs from both Tomoyo and Sakura, Meiling was not too happy to see him but slightly cordial, and when it finally came to my turn..well I could barely hold back my blush. He had extended his hand to me and seemed almost as if he did not want to let go. His lavendar eyes probed mine intensely, and from my distant view I could almost make out Tomoyo's sheepish grin.   
  
"Good morning, Syaoran." he said, "It's been a long time."   
  
"It's nice to meet you Hiiragizawa-san." I replied and his face grew mildly sad.   
  
"Please call me Eriol."   
  
Meiling's abrupt clearing of her throat snapped me back to reality and I knew she wanted to get to the point of Eriol's visit. Sakura's face also grew anxious but it was Tomoyo who spoke up first.   
  
"So, what do you guys say we get out of here?" she suggested leading the way.   
  
The sun outside was blindingly bright as we stood waiting for a cab. It had been decided, when we picked up Eriol's luggage, that we would all converge at my house. Once inside the crowded car, the lingering tension between us all grew. Tomoyo turned a few times to whisper something to Eriol. I was unaware that I was staring when I caught him meeting my gaze. It threw me into a subconscious blush and I could not understand why it was happening. Sakura leaned her head on my shoulder at one point, and Meiling's eyes instantly burned with fire. The girls commenced a staring match, but I could hardly pay attention. I was too busy trying to sort out the many questions in my head, trying to fill the blank spaces with forgotten memories. It was frustrating. I was expected to act a certain way and yet I found myself doing the exact opposite. I had completely lost myself in my thoughts, because I hadn't realized we had arrived until Sakura's gentle prodding brought the situation into focus. Before I knew it we had all settled into the couches of my living room.   
  
Tea was tensely passed among us. Common chatter took place, with such things as "How was your trip" and the like, but after a few moments of catching up the air became heavy with the impending subject.   
  
Eriol sighed putting down his finished teacup, "So, onto more important matters."   
  
He crossed his legs, folding his hand on his knee while throwing on a more serious expression. Sakura spoke up naturally.   
  
"Eriol, we only want to straighten something out; something that should really be common knowledge among us." she said, her voice hiding a tinge of urgency.   
  
Meiling glared, waiting for her question.   
  
Sakura glanced nervously at each of our faces. "Could you please tell Syaoran who his girlfriend really is. Me or Meiling?". Her eyes wavered for a second but were replaced with a strong affirmation, "I trust you Eriol.." she finished. 


	2. Chapter 2- Truth, Hope and Picnics

*Disclaimer* you know and I know CCS is not mine..   
  
  
Where Memories Lie..   
Chapter 2   
Truth, Hope & Picnics   
  
  
  
--Eriol's POV--   
  
My eyes widened at her request. I slunk back slightly into my peice of the couch. I had been expecting this but not quite so direct. My view shot directly to Tomoyo's sad gaze but she quickly abandoned my silent plea for help as she turned her head in the other direction. I had no support, no getting out of this spot and all eyes were on me. What was I supposed to do in this situation? I could tell the truth and say Syaoran had always belonged to Sakura. I could lie and say I had no idea what anyone was talking about. Tomoyo's words rang in my ears like a whisper "I can't help but feel we have been given a second chance.." I shook the temptation out of my head as the mistress' green eyes glossed with emotion in my direction. I couldn't do that to her now, after all I put her through years ago. I had already decided that her happiness was more important than mine.. with that, Tomoyo could agree.   
  
This will be my second time giving you up Syaoran.. I corrected my posture preparing myself to tell the truth. I planted my eyes on Syaoran's confused face.   
  
"In the past you were engaged to Meiling. That part is true. She however broke her engagement with you when she found out you loved Sakura. Since then you and Sakura have been together. Why Meiling has decided to take up her nulled engagement again is her own decision and I can't explain her own reasons. I ask myself if her family even approved of her re-engagement, but that's none of my business."   
  
It probably came out alot more cold and uncaring than I had meant it to. I turned to Meiling who cowered in her chair and hung on tightly to my little wolf's arm.   
  
"You should be ashamed of yourself.." I rebuked.   
  
Tomoyo seemed to wince at my remark aswell, even though it had not been meant for her. Meiling was not going to let me get away with that and she burst out angrily in tears.   
  
"Who do you think you are to pretend to know what I'm feeling!?" she yelled as her voice quivered along with her balled up fists.   
  
Tomoyo immediately restrained her. "Meiling, don't talk to Eriol that way! He is your family, the carrier of your ancestors blood! Have more respect." she said in a susprisingly louder fashion than was common for her.   
  
"Don't you think I know that!? Do you really think I care!?" snapped the other, then proceeded to point me out as if targeting me with a mental curse.   
  
"I have loved Syaoran more than anyone in this room! You couldn't possibly know what it's like..to lose the warm thoughts and emotions of someone who was so close to you!", she flung herself to Syaoran's side and dug her hot face into his arm, "..to know that he doesn't even remember the sacrifice I made for him. And all because I left him in the hands of another..I don't even have his friendship because of her!" she sobbed.   
  
"Meiling.." uttered Syaoran while placing a gentle arm around her.   
  
"..because of her..someone I trusted and grew to care for. She betrayed my trust in her, and you expect me to just leave him with her? I would have never let this happen to you Syaoran! I just want to take care of you and be with you like I should have always been."   
  
Meiling's words stabbed at my heart. She was right. I couldn't possibly know what she felt. I never had Syaoran's warm thoughts, his feelings, his trust. She had a bond with him I could have only dreamed of. It must have been very hard for her to lose something like that. I, on the other hand, have nothing to lose in all this. So what if Syaoran didn't remember me, it was probably for the best; like a new start. I suddenly knew what it was like to feel so unimportant. I realized I had no affect on Syaoran's life. My presence to him was a mere moment in time. Perhaps I had been kidding myself by hanging onto the small hope that something good could come out of this tragedy. Syaoran had two girls who loved him very much. Two people who would do and say anything to see him happy. I could not compete with that, even though I shared their intense love for him. Perhaps I was doing my part by keeping to myself. Tomoyo's knowing glance told me she understood the emotions crossing my face. Her own face fell as tears overcame Sakura at Meiling's accusations.   
  
"But..it was an accident.." she sniffled.   
  
"Shut up Kinomoto! Stop finding excuses for everything and take responsibility for what happened. You are such a coward!..and to think you are the mistress of those cards. You make me sick..how could you?..how could you!" Meiling lashed out still being held by Syaoran who was torn between the two ladies.   
  
I did not want to add to his emotional distress and decided to leave him to his fate. I could not be part of this. I stood abruptly to leave while excusing myself. The girls stopped their cries at my sudden choice.   
  
"Wait Eriol!..I have one more question.." Sakura begged of me.   
  
I stopped to listen.   
  
"Is there anything you can do for him?"   
  
I stared at my overwhelmed descendant in the arms of two women. His blank eyes filled with confusion. "If you're asking me to bring his memory back..I can't."   
  
Her eyes searched my face for an explanation.   
  
"The human memory is composed of too many things. Complex emotions that tie in with your psyche. Even physical triggers like the sound of a song or the smell of something baking all contribute to your over-all memory. It is something that is easy to erase..but too hard to bring back completely without side-effects. That is something Syaoran must do on his own. I'm sorry. Please, excuse me.. I have a long night of unpacking ahead of me and you need some time to yourselves. Goodnight." and I turned heading for the door only to be followed out by Tomoyo.   
  
I sighed deeply once outside, the door closed firmly behind me. Tomoyo stood next to me. I stared up at the setting sky.   
  
"You are right Eriol." she murmered, "Perhaps we should give up...and thank you." her face flushed with embarassment and my head jerked to the side confused by her comment.   
  
"Thank you for snapping me out of my foolish hopes. I know you meant it for Meiling but..I really was ashamed of myself at that instant. Hoping for a second that you would lie. That you would deny everything; that Sakura would have cried giving up on Syaoran and I would have been there to pick up her broken peices. But I was so selfishly wrong. You did the right thing."   
  
"Did I?" I sighed resting my head up against the door of his apartment. I let my fingertips trail along the metal surface of the door's number.   
  
"It hurts..to lose him again for the second time. To be so honest, despite my will. And perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if this was only affecting me. But it affects your place with Sakura too and I can't stop thinking that I have ruined it for both of us."   
  
She smiled unexpectedly at my melancholy musing. "There is still a chance for you Eriol. Didn't you feel it? The warmth Syaoran has for you. It's something he has surpressed for so long. Now, without his memories to hold him back, he is reliving lost emotions. This time he might be honest with himself and realize who it is he truly loves."   
  
"Tomoyo.."   
  
She turned her solemn gaze towards the sky. "I may not be so lucky. Sakura's heart will always belong to him I suppose. Maybe in time, if things go your way, she might allow herself to open her heart once more.. and I will be waiting till then."   
  
I smiled. Tomoyo really was a selfless person. Her patient love is probably the least understood and most underestimated kind, but it is probably also the strongest. She turned to me one more time, another gesture of sadness playing on her face.   
  
"In truth, it's all my fault Eriol and the least I can do is give you confidence."   
  
I grew curious of what exactly she meant, and she could read my unspoken question instantly.   
  
"If I had known years ago, what I know now..I would not have tried so hard to bring Sakura and Syaoran together. I was so blind to your feelings and I thought the only match for Syaoran was Sakura at the time. She hadn't even noticed him yet but I pulled them together because I only had her happiness in mind. I completely neglected yours."   
  
I shook my head at her comment. "There is no way you could have possibly known Tomoyo, we barely knew each other then. I tried my best to hide whatever it was I felt. At the time I was involved with Kaho too, so it was an even bigger reason to deny my love for Syaoran. You did what you felt was right, and I am only sorry I wasn't honest enough with myself, or you, untill it was too late. Besides..it's in the past, all we can do now is wait."   
  
She smiled slightly, maybe she felt forgiven for a crime she did not commit.   
  
"It's about time I went" I declared.   
  
She nodded, "I need to go check on Sakura and make sure everything is ok."   
  
What a great friend she was. "Goodnight Tomoyo."   
  
She gave me a half decent smile "Be patient Eriol..he'll come around."   
  
--Syaoran's POV--   
  
I tossed and turned. Unable to sleep in my own unrecognizable bed. Something about today's events was bothering me perhaps. I couldn't put my finger on it. It could actually be a compilation of things, I just wasn't so sure. Meiling's cries, Sakura's desperate hope for the truth, Tomoyo's utter silence.. Eriol. A current ran through my veins at the thought of his painfilled face. Why did he look at me the way he did? There was something I was missing. Something I didn't know about him, or maybe something I didn't know about myself. Was there some big secret between us, perhaps something noone but him and I knew? There was something he was trying to hide behind those peircing eyes of his. Was there a reason why this was bothering me so much? Is there something perhaps I was trying to hide myself? Why did I feel the need to get to know him better even though the truth of my love life was made clear to me today. I should be trying to get to know Sakura or Meiling better. Somehow I was not ready yet to settle down with anyone. I needed to find out more about everyone , and myself, before I started something.   
  
I mentally turned the pages of tonight's events over and over in my head. The looks I had recieved when I told the girls I was heading to my room. Sakura wanting to resume something I could not understand. Meiling wanting to resolve something uncertain. And I..wanting to escape everything..just to be left alone. Meiling retreating to her room as Tomoyo led a sobbing Sakura out of the apartment. Tomoyo. Another strange enigma. Her eyes resembled Eriol's tonight. They wore the same expression. It was something I barely noticed at first. It was all so subtle. The slight wringing of her hands on the hem of her skirt. The mournful tinge in her eye, the slight twich as Sakura hung onto my arm. It was something I could not define and it surprised me that perhaps Eriol shared those same feelings..but towards who? It couldn't be me. Why am I even thinking this? I am promised to one girl and being pulled by the other..I should be thinking about my situation with them right? Perhaps I should think of tomorrow..yes, just let things play out tomorrow.   
  
~*~   
  
"I know, let's get some icecream!"   
  
"Forget icecream Kinomoto, I say we go for some pastries!"   
  
I found myself walking through the park with Sakura and Meiling, one hanging off of each arm. How I got myself into this mess I will never know. Perhaps I was hoping they would tell me more about myself so I blindly agreed to go on their picnic. Instead I got an earful of bickering on both their parts. It was amazing they called each other 'friend' once.   
  
I pulled myself towards a bench, nearly dragging the two of them as they continued snapping at each other. I was tired and we had yet to wait for the others. Meiling was a sharp one and she was the first to get the gist of my fatigue.   
  
"You look tired Syaoran, do you want me to get you something to drink maybe?" she offered.   
  
I nodded in agreement.   
  
"I know, maybe you want some lemonade, it was always your favorite." chirped Sakura digging through her basket.   
  
Meiling immediately contradicted her, "Shows how much you know! He likes sweets better. A milkshake sounds good right luv?".   
  
I sighed, they were at it again. "Just how much DO you two know about me? The size of my shoes?" I mumbled.   
  
"Size 8 1/2!" declared Sakura.   
  
"Wrong, size 9!"   
  
They glared at each other. I layed back and closed my eyes trying to tune them out. After they both agreed on a number the area grew almost silent. Meiling grew impatient.   
  
"So..Syaoran..have you decided yet?"   
  
I blinked at her in surprise.   
  
"Which one of us do you want to get to know better?" Sakura finished.   
  
I sat up straight, I just knew this question would pop up again. "I need to know more about myself first, lots of things are still a blur. Things about my family, about the magical ability I possess.."   
  
Meiling stood up energetically. "Well I can tell you all about your family! We grew up together so I know all about your family back in China! Kinomoto could never tell you much about that." she smirked proudly.   
  
Sakura also stood up in defiance to her comment. "Well I can tell you about your magical abilities! Anything you need to know." she threw Meiling a challenging glance, but the dark haired girl only laughed.   
  
"You couldn't possibly tell him all he needs to know. Your style of magic is quite different than his. He had been studying magic a lot longer than you had. He mastered skills way before you even know what a Clow Card was!"   
  
Sakura shrank back slightly. A dejected look to her face. "That may be true..but I know alot more about that than you do. You have no magic ability."   
  
Meiling's face dropped defeatedly. The girls grew silent, sizing each other up with come-backs. I couldn't tell if I was here for a picnic or a death match, and then my attention was stolen by the two figures walking up to us in the distance.   
  
The girls looked and Sakura waved at them excitedly.   
  
"They're coming!" she said as Tomoyo and Eriol approached us.   
  
Meiling sighed, "They make such a cute couple don't they?"   
  
Sakura looked at her in surprise as if she never thought about the idea. I found my face growing hot and I loosened the first button of my shirt. I felt suffocated at Meiling's remark. Could it be true that they were involved? Why did I even care..I should be happy for them..right? It's not like I have anything to be jealous about.   
  
I crossed my arms as they reached us. Tomoyo ran to Sakura's side first and Eriol greeted us all, thanking us for inviting him. I could hardly say a word to him. The girls ran off with the basket and blankets in hand to find a good spot. Eriol and I trailed behind them. I wasn't so sure but I could almost tell he was watching me. His expression held a mild look of worry, was there something he wanted to say? I was curious but had no time to act as I found myself being pulled by one of the girls towards the blanket.   
  
Soon enough we had all settled down and were munching away on the variety of food. The girls talked a lot among themselves and the atmosphere around us was actually normal for a while but I could not help but sigh. Eriol seemed to notice as he threw me a worried look.   
  
"Something wrong Syaoran?" he said.   
  
I tried to smile and play it off. "Not at all.." I said.   
  
The corners of his mouth formed into a devilish grin. "You're lying.." he winked.   
  
"How do you know that?" I asked.   
  
Meiling turned her attention to me interupting us. "Of course Eriol would know, he knows everything." she teased.   
  
Sakura was also drawn into our discussion. "Oh! Here we go. Eriol is just the person you should talk to if you want to know the truth about everything," she cheered, "He probably knows more about you then all of us put together."   
  
I had almost forgotten that Eriol was the reincarnation of my ancestor Clow Read. I bet he could answer my questions.   
  
--Eriol's POV--   
  
I nearly jumped at Sakura's words. Syaoran seemed mildly interested though. I shot Tomoyo a few nervous glances. She only smiled back at me; again leaving me in the spotlight. Syaoran rested his chin on his hands, his face lighting up with a childish innocence and curiosity.   
  
"Is that true!? Can you really answer my questions."   
  
I tried to look elsewhere, thinking of anything to change the subject but all eyes were on me. "I..I suppose..".   
  
Meiling, being the sharp one she was, narrowed her eyes at me as if she was dissecting every word that came out of my mouth. I would have to keep my cool around her.   
  
She made a gesture of being full and stretched out letting a sluggish sigh escape. "Well I'm tired! I say we go home now Syaoran, it's a little late don't you think?"   
  
She seemed to be catching on to me, and I did not want my intentions known so early in the game so I agreed.   
  
"Perhaps it is time we retired." my voice not certain of my own words.   
  
Tomoyo had dissapointment written all over her face. She turned to Sakura, "Should we go then? My people can give you a ride home Sakura-chan." she smiled.   
  
Sakura smiled back at her and they stood up. That initiated all of us to begin clearing everything out. Meiling latched onto Syaoran and made a motion to leave. Sakura told him she would call him and everyone seemed to be ready to go. To my surprise, Syaoran spoke up.   
  
"I'll catch you later Meiling, I need to talk to Eriol for a bit. I hope that's ok with you." he said turning to me.   
  
My heart skipped a beat as everyone stopped in shock. I shrugged, "Sure..I guess."   
  
Tomoyo threw me a genuine smile. Meiling looked immensely displeased. "Whatever just be back as early as possible." she said knowing not to argue, "I'll be waiting for you.."   
  
It sounded frighteningly ominous coming from her. Tomoyo let Sakura walk ahead as she followed behind her. "I knew he'd come around.." she whispered breifly as she passed me on my side. I smiled, perhaps she was right.   
  
Before I knew it, we were alone. I began to stroll through the park without hurry and he walked beside me quietly. I suppose he was eagerly awaiting some words of wisdom on my part. I was so nervous, I wasn't so sure if I WAS able to talk.   
  
"So..is there something on your mind?" I managed to leak out.   
  
"Plenty.." he began but suddenly stopped in his tracks. "Actually..I was hoping there was somewhere more private we could go."   
  
I could have sprung a nosebleed just thinking about what his words implied. I was probably overreacting and I prayed it did not show on my face. For some reason he felt an urge to explain himself.   
  
"I just want you to tell me about, perhaps show me, my magical skills." he looked around him, "I doubt we can do that out here."   
  
I mentally slapped myself. Of course! Why would he even think about..my head was in the gutter. I managed to convince myself that it was now or never however.   
  
"We could always go to my hotel room.." I sheepishly suggested trying not to blush.   
  
All my cards had been layed on the table. 


	3. Chapter 3- Hot Tubs, Magic and Confronta...

*Disclaimer* you know and I know CCS is not mine..   
  
  
Where Memories Lie..   
Chapter 3   
Hot Tubs, Magic & Confrontation   
  
  
--Syaoran's POV--   
  
Now my head went in the gutter. Not only was I alone with this incredibly attractive person, but I was going to be alone with him in his room!? Only if I accepted of course. It was obviously a risky situation to be in. Not that I thought anything could possibly happen between us. Besides since when did I start thinking this way? There was just something bewitching about him; I guess it suited him perfectly after all. So, of course I said 'yes'. He almost seemed surprised at my answer. Was it because I supposedly hated him in the past? Was it something else? Whatever it was, I decided my past with him was no longer relevant. I would try to get to know him for who he was now. I might like what I find this time around.   
  
I shook my head as I followed him out the park and through the city. I had to stop being so awkward. He was probably going out with Tomoyo, I had no right to think this way about him. He was, afterall, being incredibly kind and patient with me. It wasn't long before we reached his hotel. I drummed my fingers nervously againt the rail in the elevator. I whistled some random tune as we walked down the hall, approaching his door. I bit my lip as I was led into his room. Room? This was a almost a penthouse. My relative was well off it seemed. The place even had a kitchenette! I was overwhelmed by what I saw and he seemed to notice.   
  
"Something wrong?" he asked.   
  
I pulled my jaw up off the floor. 'N-nothing.."   
  
He smiled at me. "Please don't let your surroundings change your opinion of me." He said cheerfully as he made his way to the kitchen.   
  
"Care for something to drink maybe?" he offered but I didn't need one.   
  
I took the liberty of looking around the place. "Make yourself at home, Syaoran." he said as if almost reading my mind.   
  
I opened a door that seemed like the bathroom. I was amazed by the sheer modern delicacy of the place. His face appeared over my shoulder, looking past me.   
  
"Oh, that's the hot tub." he grinned.   
  
I repressed my blush as he walked in past me and grabbed a few towels. "Care to join me?" he asked.   
  
"W-whaa?" I began to question but he explained anyway.   
  
"I think best when I'm relaxed..don't you?" there was a certain slyness to his approach and it was quickly winning me over.   
  
I began to think there was the slight chance he was interested in me afterall. Or maybe I was imagining things and he was just being hospitable. Besides, I was pretty nervous about being here and maybe he was trying to make me comfortable. I took the towel.   
  
"Why not.."   
  
~*~   
  
It felt good to lay my head back as the hot water bubbled beneath me. Eriol looked peaceful, true to his word, and we struck up mild conversation. At first it was things about my family, about Clow Read. Some of my own history and related childhood things. Then he told me how we met and the subject gradually turned to love.   
  
"Ah..so that's why I didn't like you in the past." I said finally understanding everything that was told to me earlier.   
  
I laughed, hugging my knees and resting my head on them. He was surprised by my gesture.   
  
"It all seems irrelevant now doesn't it?" I mused.   
  
He smiled, "I suppose so." He threw his warm gaze towards the ceiling. "I'm glad we are friends now Syaoran. Sometimes I think this accident of yours was a blessing in disguise."   
  
I nodded but his face grew guilty suddenly.   
  
"Syaoran! I-I'm so sorry.." he corrected himself, "I didn't mean that the situation between you and Sakura now is a blessing..I..I meant.." he stalled trying to find suitable words that would not hurt my feelings.   
  
I merely chuckled. "Like I said it's all irrelevant now."   
  
He sunk a bit more into the suds. "It must be hard not having someone to love..feeling all alone and confused." he continued in a patronizing fashion. It reminded me of a similar subject.   
  
"How would you know? aren't you and Tomoyo an item?" I mentioned sounding a bit more bitter than I had meant to.   
  
He nearly choked.   
  
"Wai-wait wait..you mean to tell me you think Tomoyo and I..?" his voice nearly alarmed yet mixing with laughter.   
  
I felt almost stupid, "Yes, Meiling mentioned that the two of you made a nice couple."   
  
He chuckled again in amusement, "..that Meiling sure is something. There is nothing going on between Tomoyo and I. She is a trusted friend." he finished.   
  
For some reason I felt almost relieved.   
  
"The truth is.." his face was red, but I wasn't sure if it was a blush or just a reaction from the heat of the water.   
  
"I..I actually.." he turned to me as if there was something important in his words.   
  
I felt warmth creep on my cheeks aswell. Then the phone rang.   
  
--Eriol's POV--   
  
The phone rang completely ruining the moment. I reluctantly excused myself scrambling out of the tub. I wasn't surprised at all to hear Meiling on the other end asking for Syaoran. I passed the phone to him and stayed long enough to hear him say "I'll be home a bit later." I decided we had stayed in the hot tub long enough, so I put on a robe and headed for the kitchen. Maybe I was actually trying to escape the scene so that I could collect myself. Even if I didn't show it so blatantly, I was wracked from head to toe with nervousness. I had almost, barely, confessed to him at that instant. We had grown so close and I had been more or less straightforward with him most of the night..testing his limits of comfort. I was almost certain he was ready for it; completely caught up in the moment, but, perhaps the phone was an omen that I was moving too fast. Besides, the boy had recieved so much information just now, I needed to give him time to swallow it all. It wasn't long before he appeared in the living room and approached me with the phone in hand.   
  
"Everything ok?" I asked.   
  
He nodded but his face was littered with dissapointment. So was mine.   
  
"Feeling thirsty now?" I checked maneuvering towards the fridge.   
  
"Sure.." he replied.   
  
I quickly fetched two glasses of juice. My hands were full so I used a little magic to float the carton back into the fridge. Syaoran's eyes went wide with interest.   
  
"How did you do that?" he asked.   
  
I smiled at him. "I can show you."   
  
--Syaoran's POV--   
  
It was impressive how much this boy knew. He showed me so many things that he said even I was capable of doing. Anything from tricks to more useful and complicated things. At one point he brought out a key and it turned into a long staff. The way he swung it, the circle that appeared under him..it was all so majestic. The fluid movements of his body almost seemed like an ancient dance. I found myself completely captivated and barely noticed when my heart had begun to race like it did. He stopped breifly when he noticed me staring. He motioned for me to get up and come close to him.   
  
"Here." he said handing me his staff. "You carry my blood so.. I know you can use this too." he wrapped his arms around me from behind helping to support the staff.   
  
This stance also pressed our bodies together and my neck felt hot. He leaned in close to me from behind, a calm smile on his face.   
  
"Ok, now let me show you, first you chant and then you raise it up like this.." he led my motions untill I got the gist of it.   
  
It was comfortable, being in his arms just now and I realized how much I would miss it if I never had the chance to be like this again. I was so lost in my thoughts that I had not noticed I was swinging low and it knocked Eriol out of balance behind me as he tried to dodge the staff. He could not stabalize himself and he yelped as we both came crashing down.   
  
Sparkles radiated from the broken spell and fell all around us like fireflies. I found myself propped up above him and looking down at his astounded face.   
  
"Syaoran.." he said, "you're..blushing.."   
  
It was now or never so I let my hand rest against his cheek.   
  
"And..you're trembling.." I whispered.   
  
Before I knew it, my lips were planted on his. He tasted sweet, like the juice we just drank and although at first it felt awkward it gradually became pleasant and natural. He seemed far more experienced than I was as he traced my lips with his tongue. There was a longing hunger in his gestures, something that told me he had been waiting a very long time to do this. We broke the kiss gasping excitedly for air. He smiled, his gorgeous eyes glossy and overcome with emotion.   
  
"Syaoran..I.." he began but I finished the sentence for him,   
  
"Been waiting to do this for a very long time?"   
  
He blinked up at me, "How did you..?"   
  
I shrugged, "I could feel it. and.." I stopped unsure of the impact of my words, "I felt the same way too."   
  
Eriol sat up. "That's impossible, you could have only just recently started feeling this way, unless...that means..it couldn't be."   
  
I lunged on him playfully, bringing him against the floor again.   
  
"Let's not think too much and just enjoy what we have now ok?" I said meeting his lips again.   
  
He nodded, his cheeks pink with joy. Our peace did not last very long as the phone rang again for the second time tonight. It was again Meiling, threatening to lock me out of the house if I was not home in ten minutes. To tell you the truth I really did not mind the thought of spending the night at Eriol's anyway. I told her I would get on my way and hung up the phone.   
  
Eriol's face dropped slightly, "I understand.." he sighed, "I guess you really should go, it is late anyhow.."   
  
I put my finger on his lips to hush him. "Actually..I was hoping I could spend the night.."   
  
His face paled with surprise, as expected, he began to stutter. "Bu-bu-but Meiling, a-and how will you..and then I.. and then.?"   
  
I giggled at his unfinished questions. "I'll just tell her there was an accident on the road and the cab could not get through and since it was so late, you gave me a place to crash."   
  
Eriol grinned, shaking his head at my slyness. "You are so bad!" he chuckled.   
  
He had no idea.   
  
--Eriol's POV--   
  
I could hardly believe how fast everything was happening. It was like all my dreams had come true. Tomoyo had been right all along, and I'm supposed to be the all-knowing powerful magician. I could not have predicted this happening. I couldn't wait to tell her everything. I sat up, only to find Syaoran missing from my side. I scrambled off the bed desperate to look for him. I hoped he hadn't left without saying good-bye. Then the scent of food cooking in the kitchen wandered into the room. I put on a robe only to find him cooking over the stove.   
  
"Good morning cutie." he said smiling as he flipped a hotcake in the air.   
  
He was still in his boxers, his hair ruffled up and chest bare. What a tease. I creeped up behind him wrapping my arms around his midrift and leaning my chin on his shoulder.   
  
"Smells good, I guess you never lost your talent for cooking." I cooed.   
  
He shrugged, "I don't know it just came natural suddenly."   
  
I flinched slightly at his words. Was his memory coming back? For the first time I was truly afraid, being uncertain of what might happen if he remembered everything. He turned to me and smiled, melting away my worries for now.   
  
"Say..?" I asked, "Are you ok..with what happened last night and all.."   
  
He responded with a kiss. "Of course I am..but did I..hurt you?" his face expressing concern.   
  
I smiled, "I'm fine, and you?".   
  
He nodded "I'd like to try that again, real soon."   
  
Last night had been a first for us both, but we endured it suprisingly well and it only brought us closer in the short amount of time we had been together. Now there was a more urgent subject to attend to.   
  
We seated ourselves and Syaoran could sense the impending questions.   
  
"Syaoran.." I began but he seemed to read my mind.   
  
"I know..what are we going to do now."   
  
I sighed, "I know Tomoyo wont be a problem but Sakura and Meiling will have a tough time with all this. Hell it even shocked me." I finished.   
  
"Yeah, I was not expecting this to happen either, one minute I was struggling with myself the next I was in your bed."   
  
We both chuckled a little, coming to terms with the speed of our developing relationship. The mood was lightened and I remembered something even more important.   
  
"I have somewhere to take you today, it is after all your birthday-." I said.   
  
His face beamed.   
  
"-It could be our treat after the hell we will be faced with today."   
  
The air was somber again.   
  
"We might aswell get it done and overwith as early as possible." he said stretching.   
  
I resisted the urge to leap on him.   
  
"Naughty naughty.." he teased, wagging his finger at me as he sensed my intentions.   
  
The phone rang, and I expected Meiling on the other end but was surprised by Sakura's voice.   
  
"I'm at the house and Meiling just now told me he did not return last night." she said, an impatient tinge embedded in her tone, "is he with you?"   
  
I began sweating bullets, "Yes..he's here. Want to talk to him?" I said motioning for Syaoran to get the phone.   
  
"Yes please" she finished and I handed the phone to him.   
  
I heard him tell her the story he conjured up last night and I saw him nod a few times.   
  
"Yes..uh-huh, yes. Well actually that's what I need to talk to you both about today. I finally decided. Uh-huh..no..umm..yeah..but I can't say it over the phone so we are coming over right now. Yes you can call Tomoyo if you like. Ok..uh-huh, see you then." with that said he hung up the phone and acted like he was going to collapse. I smiled at his antics.   
  
"Come on, lets get dressed and meet up with the girls." I suggested and he agreed.   
  
~*~   
  
I found myself seated on the cushions of Syaoran's house. The boy was pacing nervously in front of me as we waited for Tomoyo to arrive. I felt like reaching out and embracing him but I knew that what we had to say was going to be enough of a shock already. Then the knock came and not surprisingly it was her. She looked at me and I smiled at her. Her jaw gaped slightly as she knew what I meant. She happily took a seat between Sakura and I. It was good too, she could hold her back if need be and it kept me out of striking distance. Meiling leaned slightly from her chair obviously frustrated with the silence.   
  
"Ok we are all here, so what's the big news." she questioned initiating the conversation.   
  
Syaoran took a seat across from me and eyed me intensely. I nodded at him in reassurance.   
  
"Ok, I'm here to say that I have finally decided." he began.   
  
Tomoyo's hand had somehow found her way around my arm and she gave me a slight squeeze as if giving me support, or maybe keeping me from fainting. Sakura and Meiling both sat up straight awaiting the impending choice.   
  
"And the person I want to get to know best is..is.."   
  
I wrung my hands on a corner of my shirt, Syaoran shifted around in his chair.   
  
"Is.." he shut his eyes, ".Hiiragizawa, Eriol."   
  
Sakura nearly fainted into Tomoyo's arms. Meiling stood up quickly in front of me and pointed.   
  
"I KNEW it!"   
  
That surprised me.   
  
"I knew it ever since you stepped off the plane. The way you looked at him! Just like I knew the first time I saw Sakura and Syaoran. It was the same atmosphere.it's all the same." she began to cry. "I..I can't stand him being taken from me twice."   
  
"He was never really yours to begin with Meiling, get over it!" shouted Sakura angrily, "I on the other hand have just lost so much!" she sobbed.   
  
"But Sakura-san.." I said trying to come up with something comforting. "I didn't think this would happen.".   
  
She turned to me, anger flashing in her eyes. "You! How could you do this to me!? After all we went through, you broke my trust! You broke our friendship."   
  
Tomoyo stood in my defense. "He's not lying Sakura, he really didn't know. Sure he loved Syaoran but he never wanted to come between you two. He tried his best not to influence any of this." she said and I almost felt guilty that her own best friend was on my side.   
  
Sakura's eyes widened. "You mean..you knew!?" she gasped, "You knew about his feelings for my boyfriend and you never told me?!".   
  
Meiling smirked through her tears. "Stupid..it was so obvious."   
  
"I'm NOT talking to you right now Meiling." screamed Sakura.   
  
Tomoyo tried coming close and placing a hand on her.   
  
Sakura knocked it away, "Please..please don't. I just need to be alone right now." she said ready to run out of the room.   
  
She turned to Syaoran breifly, "I guess there is nothing I can do to change your mind is there.." she said and he shook his head silently.   
  
She turned to me. "I hope you're happy." and with that she ran out of the room.   
  
Tomoyo turned to me sadly. "I know she will be ok. You two, take care of each other ok?"   
  
I nodded and she gave me a weak smile. Meiling stood up dejectedly.   
  
"Is this what you do to your own family members Eriol?' she asked, that comment really hurt.   
  
"You just destroyed the Li clan you know that." she sniffled letting out a long sigh.   
  
"I suppose the only thing left for me to do is go back to China. I'm done here." she said dragging herself into her room.   
  
I felt the strings of my heart tugging at me watching her go. Syaoran ran to my side burying his head on my lap.   
  
"It's not true Eriol..you didn't do anything, it's not your fault." he said sadly trying to reassure me.   
  
But I wasn't so sure. 


	4. Chapter 4- Memories, Tears and Love

*Disclaimer* you know and I know CCS is not mine..   
  
  
Where Memories Lie..   
Chapter 4   
Memories, Tears & Love   
  
  
--Syaoran's POV--  
  
Just looking at the expression on his face made me want to cry. He looked completely torn and I could only imagine what was going through his head. He was probably thinking something along the lines of what felt right and what was the right thing to do. I hoped neither of those choices meant letting me go, but I was terribly fearful of that look in his eyes. Something told me that was exactly what he was thinking. I threw myself on him not daring to let go, after all we shared he couldn't possibly do this to me now. I was surprised to feel his fingers run through my hair. I looked up at him and he wiped the bangs from my face. He wore a small smile.   
  
"I promised I would take you somewhere today didn't I?" he whispered.   
  
I couldn't help but grin myself. My fear of being abandoned vanished suddenly and I found myself in his embrace once more.   
  
"We gotta get out of here." I told him.   
  
He nodded picking me up off the floor. We headed out the door as quickly as possible leaving our worries behind. We ran untill we reached the park exhausted. I cleared a spot on a bench and we threw ourselves on it. He rested his head against me as I played lightly with his silky dark blue strands.   
  
"I feel free Eriol.." I told him "Like we can do anything. Like this was meant to be all along."   
  
He smiled up at me, "Who am I to second guess fate."   
  
A warm breeze blew by us rustling at the trees in my view. Somehow the thought of beautiful leaves pulled at my brain. I dismissed it only to notice Eriol had sat up and was leaning towards me.   
  
"Ready to go? This time of day is best for the special place I want to take you."   
  
I nodded excitedly and he stood up grabbing my hand as if to lead me on the way.   
  
"It's about an hour from here so we have a few choices. We can go by bus, by cab or ride in style."   
  
I grew curious as to what style was.   
  
"Good choice." he said.   
  
By the time I knew it were were zipping through the streets on the motorcycle he rented. I was anxious to know where it was we were heading to.   
  
My question was answered as we ended up in a national park. Eriol led me by hand through the woods. The leaves on the trees danced in the wind and the more we walked the more excited I became. He stopped suddenly at the foot of a cliff, pointing to the top.   
  
"Up there." he said.   
  
My head began to spin. "This looks so..so.."   
  
He turned towards me. "Something wrong?" he asked a bit worried.   
  
I smiled at him. "Nothing, it just looks a little dangerous."   
  
He gave me a quick kiss and then winked. "Not if we use magic to get up there."   
  
A magic circle appeared below us and I found myself floating with him hand in hand. The rocks flew by us as we continued ascending. An unsteady one fell past us and my head panged as it clicked towards the ground. We finally landed at the top. Eriol wound his arms around me from behind.   
  
"Look.." he said.   
  
Before us appeared a sea of trees, all swaying and whispering in the wind beneath us. The mountains towered in the distance. The sun gave everything a radiant glow.   
  
"It's beautiful Eriol, I'm glad you showed me this." I said taking a few small steps out on a ledge to see better.   
  
A little rock slipped from under me tumbling down the cliff.   
  
"Be careful Syaoran, don't get too close to that edge, I wouldn't want you to fall."   
  
His words clicked in my head. It was true something didn't seem right. In fact the last time I was here the sun was setting and the sky was red with the slight hint of stars beginning to show and..and.. Suddenly it all came back to me in a rush. A million images piled up in my head. Words, events, people, places. That's right. I had been here! With Sakura. I looked back at the smiling Eriol and I nearly broke into tears. He noticed my reaction and came quickly to embrace me but I pushed him back.   
  
"Syaoran..?" he asked.   
  
"Eriol..I remember." I mumbled. "I remember everything."   
  
He stepped back in shock. "Are you sure?" his voice quivering.   
  
I nodded. "This is where I had my accident. I was with Sakura and I was being stupid jumping on the rocks and..oh god.." my hands instinctively covered my face. "What have I done?! Sakura!"   
  
Eriol's face dropped and his gaze fell to the floor as his fists balled up beside him.   
  
"Eriol! You knew..you took advantage of the situation didn't you!?" I began to freak out.   
  
He didn't look up, "That's not true, you knew that Sakura was your girlfriend but you told me yourself it was irrelevant." he uttered.   
  
"And you believed me!? Of COURSE I would say that. I didn't remember anything about her so how could I possibly feel anything towards her. You must have charmed me with something..I don't know. What was I thinking!? I threw away years with her over..over." I paused trying to find suitable words.   
  
"Me?" he said.   
  
I sighed threatening to break down. "I just..can't believe this."   
  
Eriol suddenly advanced on me gripping my shoulders firmly. A determined yet saddened look in his eyes.   
  
"Pull yourself together! There is still a chance for you Syaoran. It's not too late. We can find her, you can apologize and everything can go back to how it was. You can tell her what a huge mistake this was. Say whatever, but don't give up. I'm certain she still loves you. You can get her back!".   
  
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Eriol.."   
  
--Eriol's POV--   
  
I had to be the bigger man. I knew all along the consequences of getting involved with him. I always had the doubt that if his memory came back he would naturally reject me. I was crying inside but I had to be strong for the boy who just threw away his most important person. I was guilty for everything. I took him, everything about him, when I knew all along he belonged to another. I guess it never really was meant to be and I realized that now. I could deal with this loss like I had so many times before. I could not keep what was not mine, no matter how much I wanted to. At least I can live with the memory that Syaoran Li loved me once..if only breifly. A new hope was lit in his eyes.   
  
"Let's go get her." I smiled.   
  
The ride back to town was nerve-wracking. Syaoran was hoping to catch Sakura in time and I was already mourning my loss. I kept telling myself to be strong, this is nothing new. We arrived at her house and Syaoran lept from the bike towards the gate. I waited parked on the street. He knocked on the door tapping his foot on the pavement impatiently. It was answered by Sakura's brother, Touya. They exchanged a few inaudible words. Syaoran hung his head for a moment. Then he talked to Touya for a while longer. He shrugged his shoulders and nodded. Syaoran came running back to the bike.   
  
"Where is she?" I asked instinctively.   
  
He leaned against the seat. "Touya told me that she packed up her bags and went up north to their small winter cottage for a while."   
  
I placed my hand on my chin. "Do you know where it is?" I asked.   
  
He turned to me in surprise. "Eriol it takes a while to get up there. I will just have to wait untill she gets back." he sighed.   
  
"It might be too late." I told him, "If you really love her, it's now or never."   
  
He flinched caught off guard for a moment by my words. I checked my watch, "It's early afternoon, will we make it there by nightfall?' I asked.   
  
He turned to me. "It depends on how fast you drive. We might even get there earlier."   
  
I motioned to the seat behind me. "Then hang on tight."   
  
We drove like mad-men. Syaoran pointing the way and screaming the directions in my ear, over the noise of the road. I knew I was doing the right thing, for him, but I couldn't help feeling a little jealous, a little selfish. The fact I was the one taking him to her. Like sands in an hour-glass my time with him was running out, the faster we sped, the closer we got. The least I could do was enjoy the feeling of having his arms wrapped around my waist from behind as he clung to me on the bike. It was as close as I would ever get to feeling him like that again, as close to me like we were last night. I surpressed the urge to cry, but I'm sure that even if I did, the wind would readily dry my tears at the speed we were going. Syaoran probably wouldn't even notice. His mind was focused on only one thing: retreiving the life he lost. I was focused on letting go of the life I always wanted.   
  
But this was all my fault and I wasn't about to prevent something that was beyond me. Still there was a guilty hope that we would never reach her place. That a road block would force us to turn back and that she would forget all about him and give him up to me. Or maybe, that he would confess his true hidden feelings for me at some rest stop and we would live happily ever after. Or perhaps..   
  
I glanced at the area around me. The two-laned highway we were on jutting out from the cliffs above us. The forests and mountains of the north approaching us in the distance. The seemingly endless valley below us on my left with a single flimsy railing to seperate us from the fall. It crossed my mind for a split second, as my jealousy sparked, that if I couldn't have him noone could. The thought of my bike going over that edge and the two of us falling to our doom in a tight embrace to spend eternity together forever, flashed before my eyes. Had all my righteous virtues finally faded away? Was I really selfish enough to take both our lives as long as he belonged to noone? Was I really this desperate to claim something that was never really mine? I suddenly felt the wet warmth trickling from eyes. My face burning. I realized I was finally crying, a reaction to the horrible things I had been pondering. Things I never thought I was capable of imagining, and it made me mad that my mind had come to this. And I was also crying because I realized that as a powerful magician I was still helpless to do anything involving the matters of the heart. Sure I could wipe his memory, sure I could force him to be with me, but what kind of love would that be? What kind of world would it be if he never gave me a genuine smile again.   
  
My thoughts went back to Tomoyo. I wondered if she had felt the same thing I did when she was faced with giving up the person she loved. I was amazed at how incredibly strong my friend was and ashamed that I was so weak. That I could not be more like her. Maybe it wasn't too late, maybe I could take her way and just be happy to see my love happy. Tomoyo had just silently and unknowingly taught me a valuable lesson. My tears stopped and I regained my composure. There was no use feeling sorry for myself now, the most important thing was to see Syaoran happy. The wind quickly wiped my face clean and blew on my cheeks tenderly to calm their burning. I noticed one of Syaoran's hands left it's position around my waist. From the corner of my eye I could see him wipe away at his cheek. He looked curiously at his hand.   
  
"Eriol..?" he began to question, but I interrupted him not letting him finish what I knew he would say.   
  
"Damn bugs.." I reassured him.   
  
~*~   
  
The sun began to set and the sky was painted a crimson color, accented by vividly purple clouds. The scenery had also changed as I found ourselves surrounded by endless trees on both sides. The road was a single dirt lane now, which was ok since we were not in some big car or anything. Leaves scattered the ground as we flew by and in the near distance a smoking chimney could be seen. We had arrived. Syaoran's head naturally raised itself over my shoulder as he took in his surroundings.   
  
"Just up ahead Eriol," he said as if I couldn't tell.   
  
His grip around my waist loosened as the bike began to slow down. I couldn't help but feel him slipping farther away from me already.   
  
It hurt..badly.   
  
Before time we had come to a full stop. Neither of us moved for a moment. I wasn't sure what he was thinking, I dared not to explore in his head any. The only thing left now was to say goodbye. I just wasn't sure exactly how to do that fearing that if I spoke the tears would threaten to return. I suppose our mutual silence said everything.   
  
"Thank you for the ride, Eriol, I couldn't have done this without you." he mumbled cautiously.   
  
I only nodded. He sighed finally stepping off the bike. I gripped the handle bars tightly as if to stop from throwing myself at him and begging him not to go. I knew it had to be left alone. He walked up to the door, poised and ready to knock.   
  
I couldn't help myself.   
  
"Syaoran!" I exclaimed.   
  
He should go knowing what I felt for him. He turned, his expression set.   
  
"I...I.." the words stuck in my throat.   
  
I wanted so desperately to tell him everything, but the small voice in the back of my mind kept yelling 'don't interfere..don't interfere'. I smiled..   
  
"I just, wanted to say..goodbye." I whispered, letting the breeze steal my words.   
  
His face grew soft and he nodded. "Thank you."   
  
I took in the last time I would see his amber eyes, and his true smile. It was enough for me. He turned towards the door again pumping his hands nervously as he prepared to knock. He was probably thinking of what exactly he would say to Sakura. His arm raised up towards the door, ready to knock. My heavy heart did not want to deal with having to see them together right now, so I swept my bike around ready to race off as fast as possible. I revved up the engine and gripped the handle bars. One of my feet shakingly left the ground and took it place on the pedal. The other hesitated to move.   
  
Suddenly I caught movement from the corner of my eye. I turned quickly only to catch his arm slowly inching down from the door's surface. His body seemed to slump against it as his face fell towards the floor. I quickly dismounted. He turned suddenly, his face still downcast. I could not imagine what was wrong and I held back the urge to run to his side and support him. Was he really that nervous?   
  
"Eriol.." he whispered, his voice shaky. "Remember, yesterday.when we were together."   
  
I inched towards him slightly trying to get a better grip on his words.   
  
"Yes.." I replied, "everything.".   
  
His face lifted and his eyes were large, glossy; adorning his flushed expression.   
  
"Remember when I kissed you and I told you I had wanted to do that for a long time?"   
  
I nodded.   
  
"At the time we never got into that discussion, focusing only on the moment. That was my fault but.." he balled his fists tightly, "..but I didn't lie." he stammered nearly choking on his own words.   
  
"Syaoran..what are you trying to say?" I asked approaching even closer.   
  
He looked away.   
  
"I, I was debating with it on the way up here. Trying to figure out exactly why it was I had said that. Why I had felt the need to say those things, at the time, when my memory was non-existant. And now that I have it back..why those words were still haunting me. It took me all this time, right up untill I faced this very door, that it dawned on me." his body shook slightly as our eyes finally locked.   
  
I swallowed hard trying to pass the lump in my throat.   
  
"My memories lie with Sakura.." he said.   
  
I sighed.   
  
"But.."   
  
I flinched, there was more?   
  
"But my heart remains with you."   
  
I stepped back unbelieving of what I had just heard. Was this is all some illusion I had conjured up mentally to protect myself from my loss? Was this all just some big joke, a dream?   
  
"What do you mean?" I questioned curious to affirm my speculation.   
  
"I mean what I meant, And I meant that I loved you. I always have. It took removing my life with Sakura to realize something I had hidden for so long. Feelings for someone I denied to admit."   
  
My legs spawned a mind of their own and I was instantly in front of him gazing at his blushing face only inches away.   
  
"Since when Syaoran?" I whispered.   
  
"Since childhood." he responded his lips suddenly on mine, his arms wound around my neck.   
  
My body felt heavy and helpless, unable to respond to the situation in complete shock. It took a minute to register what was happening, everything had moved so fast. One minute my heart had been broken to peices, the next it was being tied together with his hands; and only after I felt him wiping away at my tears did I realize what had happened.   
  
"But Syaoran..are you sure? is this what you want? Is this how things should be? I stole so much from you already, are you willing to let go of everything you knew as true?" I clung to him desperately, fearing that if I did not I would wake from my lovely dream.   
  
He nodded and smiled, "My life began when I was held in your arms last night. I am sure of it now."   
  
I fell to my knees, my arms wound tightly about his torso. He led a gentle brush of his fingers through my hair, calming my trembling body.   
  
"I almost lost you to someone else just now Syaoran, and if only you knew the things that went through my head. It was torture..the single most painful experience of my life."   
  
He knelt in front of me, holding my face in his hands.   
  
"I know, when you truly love someone, it is the only way you could possibly feel. That's how I knew I loved you." he motioned towards the door.   
  
"When I thought of the consequences of knocking on that door, when I pictured myself without you..I went through the same thing and I knew it was you I wanted to be with. It was only the thought of you that drove me crazy and to lose you would have meant living in the uncertianty of 'what if' with someone else. I didn't want that. In the short amount of time we spent together I realized just how much time I had let go by, just how much more I wanted to know you. Eriol, I promise I will never do something like this to you again, ever." he said tears welling up in his eyes.   
  
"Syaoran.."   
  
He picked me up off the floor.   
  
"Let's go home.." he smiled wiping his face.   
  
I nodded, there was no place I would rather be right now and noone I would rather go with, than my little wolf.   
  
I embraced him digging my face into his hair, "Happy Birthday Syaoran.." I whispered as my arms hung on a little tighter, and so did his.   
  
--Sakura's POV--   
  
The glow of the card in my grasp began to fade and I closed my hands tightly over it. Tomoyo placed a hand on my shoulder and I turned to her. Her face was littered with anxiety and conern for me, I could tell. I turned back to the window watching as Syaoran and Eriol embraced each other, spilling their tears on one another's shoulder; and I felt like crying along with them.   
  
"Are you ok with all of this?" she asked timidly, worry lacing the tone of her voice.   
  
I traced my finger over the face of the card named Truth.   
  
"I had to know..I needed to know the truth in Syaoran's heart before I could think of accepting him again. It was now or never." I murmured to her peeling my gaze from the window.   
  
I didn't have to see to know they were leaving by the sound of the bike's engine.   
  
"I just gave up something that never belonged to me I suppose." I told her.   
  
She smiled trying her best to comfort me. "You really are a strong person Sakura-chan, someday you will find the person who loves you most."   
  
I smiled remembering Yukito had once told me the same thing and I knew she was right. I knew all along within me that my fickle heart was destined for someone special and even in Syaoran's arms I had never truly been sure if it was him. Sometimes I wondered if I had only accepted him because I had lost Yukito.   
  
There were times in the beginning when it seemed like he was a rebound, someone to cling onto to when I was feeling lonely. I thought back to my younger days. I remembered not being able to answer him when he had confessed to me at first, confused between what I wanted and what was right. I had been pondering in my head if I could really learn to love him. In time we did learn to be comfortable with each other and my mind decided to associate that with love. It wasn't until now, that he was no longer with me that I realized all these things. Seeing his true feelings, and knowing they belonged with Eriol, could have only led me to believe that he had been harboring those forbidden sentiments for a very long time. Had he only confessed to me in the first place to escape his love for Eriol? Someone he probably felt was unreachable? Or was it maybe because he felt loving him was wrong at the time so he turned to me to anchor him? After all he had lost all hope of ever being with Yukito after the things Yue told him about searching his heart; he probably figured someone like Eriol would have rejected him as well. Perhaps it was all those reasons..perhaps we were both better off now.   
  
"Are they gone now?"   
  
My attention turned to Meiling who was standing by the doorway a sad expression on her own face.   
  
"Yes.." I told her.   
  
She gave me an authentically gentle smile as she walked up beside me. "Are you ok Sakura?" she asked.   
  
I smiled   
  
"Yes, are you?" I responded.   
  
She nodded, "I knew it all along didn't I? It's not the first time I've lost him, but perhaps it is the last.. finally."   
  
We had made our peace earlier today finding comfort in the mutual feeling of having given up something dear, something we both experienced. It took forever for me to acknowledge that her pain was probably greater than mine. The only thing I wondered about now was Tomoyo's stake in all this. She still held a mournful look on her own face and I wasn't sure why. Yet she always went out of her way to comfort me when I needed it. I was glad to have such a wonderful friend and I only hoped I could find what it was that made her happy, so I could give it to her always. For tonight Meiling and I would cry on her lap, but I wasn't so sure if it was for the sadness of loss or the happiness of freedom and undersanding; looking forward to a life without lies, yet full of truth and love.   
  
~ Owari 


End file.
